Synchronicity=EDUCATION: “What do you need to learn?”
Being “in synch” requires understanding where the other person is coming from and feeling confident that they understand where you’re coming from. (And going to.) Do you enjoy learning? You’d better, because we have a lot of it ahead of us. Horribly, some people decide to settle down because THEY’RE TIRED OF LEARNING. They yearn for unchanging, static conditions! Yet your soulmate represents an entirely new world, and between the two of you, you will be creating another one. So there will be lots of learning going on. If you are really phobic about “learning”, now’s your time to figure out why. It may be that you hate “tests”, which is a perfectly acceptable human reaction to stress conditions, but you love gaming. In other words, YOU LOVE TO LEARN, aren’t afraid of challenges and relish the acquisition of new skills and worldviews, but you had BAD SCHOOLING EXPERIENCES. You can see that’s entirely different, but it’s still helpful to know. The more your partnership resembles “school’ (with one of you as teacher/judge) the more unpleasant it’s going to be. So prepare to match your quest to the type of exploration you LIKE to do and most importantly, talk about it. Your partner can’t read your mind and people are often shy and can’t find the words to quantify their emotion. But between the two of you will FIGURE IT OUT. “I don’t know what I’m feeling – maybe panic with a dash of dread?” you can help each other to analyze and assess. You’ll be talking not just about your relationship, but every relationship either of you has ever had. “I’m afraid to look back/talk or even think about this,” is an acceptable opening bid. And throughout this process, you’ll get closer. PLAYING HIDE & SEEK IN THE MUSEUM OF MODERN ART hide & seek. It’s my game but you started it. you be a cop and I’ll be a museum - a swollen storehouse where even the walls are open to more than one interpretation. that’s me in dark glasses waiting round the corner for the whick of teeth on bended elbow the fateful kiss where the blood lies gathered. So lies rally; scars; a wound, a bruise – a cut – a fever a thing to call my own. “You imagined it, lady” there’s no one here. powder burn without the bullet.
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Solitude=SELF-SUFFICIENCY “What’s your experience of being alone?”
An important component of the confidence we cultivate is freedom and self-determination. We all know how unsettling a date’s desperation can be. We instinctively back away as from a sinking ship whose whirlpool threatens to suck us in. In other words, the best way to gain a soulmate is to be visibly able to live without one. This sounds nonsensical; but look at it this way, you ARE living without one. Is your desire to change your life based on the indisputable fact that your life is a mess? If so, we have to turn our attention to THAT first thing, otherwise we are the sinking ship no one wants to get near, much less, on. Therefore to increase our chances of finding the best person who is right for us right now AND in our future, we have to GIVE ourselves a future. No other person can be our “future.” We need to have a vision of a future we are working towards. That is what we want to hear about our date, and that is what they will want to hear about us. It’s time to become your own best friend, the one who really cares about you and gives such good advice #Epithalamium The heat that rises From our marriage bed Powers up the house Summons up a cradle, Undercroft & Buttery; Varicolored jars of Seasoned fruit, Museum of ripeness Captured at the peak - just As we are - Citified - Reveling in Ownership Mortgaging A future. Recovery=REBIRTH “If you don’t have a loving relationship with yourself, no one else will.”
As we study ourselves with a desire to put our best foot forward we are increasingly overwhelmed with despair. This old self won’t do. We are the club no one wants to join; us included. Parr of our desire for the Other is a longing to be rid of Self. But how is this to be accomplished, when we know that any relationship built on fakery must surely fail. How can a New Self be the Real One? Fortunately, there is a model for this in the recovery movement – legions of people giving up self-destructive habits and birthing a fresh new self. They say the relief is glorious, everything is more meaningful as their confidence grows. We want some of that. We must abjure all the behavior that have caused us suffering in the past. What are they, exactly? Let’s identify and enhance the wonderful things about us, the self we want to keep. #Haiku: Bottom Is When You Stop Digging tiny soul cries to emptiness: help me find Myself in Otherness Rainbow=SERENDIPITY “Greatest good luck?”
We need more than beauty, more than strategy, more than alliances. We need Good Luck. Serendipity is Chance. What are the odds you would walk into that grocery store, check a disused social media account, return an item, misdial a call? Our whole lives seem to be comprised of Lucky Accidents and Near Misses. Yes we try to learn from them, but we are spooked as well. It’s enough to make a person superstitious, because, How can you engineer good luck? Simple. “The harder I work the luckier I get.” Be there. When you’re looking for a soulmate it’s like looking for a job – it helps if everybody knows about it. Let’s widen our opportunity to Get Lucky. Green Thumb You tend my body so well you can’t Surprise me anymore You’re the surprise and I’m used to you Folding back my lettuce leaves with your tongue Coaxing the reluctant caterpillar While I lie awake giddy with Self preservation until The final firecracker moment When you release and flourish The fragrant butterfly Peace = SERENITY “Welcome”
Where does confidence come from? Most Americans think confidence comes from a track record of rewarded accomplishments. But when you are exchanging small talk with a stranger, wondering about them and trying to get to know them, you rapidly realize that spouting your resume and listening while they brag there is NOT, actually, informative communication. You are trying to get a “feel for the other person, their “essence.” One of the most essential distinctions we see is between restlessness and being at peace. A fact all of us are familiar with is that, when you are not actively looking for attachment, when you are feeling “enough”, people flock to you. It is because of that very sense of being “at peace” with yourself. Others want that sense for themselves, they are intensely attracted to a peaceful aura, which comes across as confidence, even if you haven’t got a single accomplishment to brag about. People like that are a relief…a relaxation…a vacation to be around. Can a sense of peace be “faked”? Obviously not. Time – and it doesn’t take much time – will fast reveal the truth. Much less trouble to cultivate ACTUAL peace. How do we do that? Through the calming disciplines of mindfulness, yoga and gratitude cultivation. If we can demonstrate that we are open to joy, people will desire us. HALF CENTURY PLANT In hurriedness I sail While your soul cultivates Burning in its beauty I incinerate in your green vision My littleness lost to your largesse – A sister kite to your slow unfolding. Your green steps show me how To become a century plant Remembering flowers. Inspiration=INTUITION “Discernment”
We’ve talked about discernment before. This means just any old soulmate won’t do. But how do we cultivate the skills of discernment? Well, one of them is intuition – represented in the TantricTarot deck by the Inspiration card. We don’t know where “inspiration” comes from – science says we are subconsciously collecting subliminal signals. Traditionally a problem has been that women have been encouraged (culturally) to bond with men they’re not chemically attracted to but are seen as a “good fit” for other reasons. Guess what? You won’t find your soulmate there. Also, traditionally, men have been making too many life decisions based on status or surface impressions – they’re not waiting around to see “the beauty within.” Pay attention to your gut, but don’t allow your gut to rule. Question it. Think about it. Think of the love you have received in your life and where it came from. Sometimes it reveals itself slowly. MY HUSBAND SMOKES CIGARS WITH HIS FATHER BY CANDLELIGHT Your profiles cut my heart like glass. Go ahead. I’m a bleeder, I’ll Still be here when you look back. Your father is a silver-headed Walking-stick; his elongation glows with far less heat. You’re his nemesis; and he’s used to it. The wooden floors washed cornelian Perhaps by sunset Perhaps by jealousy of girls who Lost you; judged too soon the temper of your eyes Wrote too many letters or Not enough; the wrong kind - Addressed to the pale law student with The cinderblock heart Traveling commentator with the hundred Dollar bill rolled inside his shoe, The long-haired Pinkerton guard. You learned to suck the cherries Scarless from the tree; it’s no mean art Broke a few at first; we all did. By what right am I the winner? You chose me in thirty seconds leaving enough time to smoke another cigar. The Lovers=ALLIANCES: “Best Friends” Once you relax about finding your Eternal Other you’ll have a chance to think about your deepest and most rewarding friendships. You’re looking for a special kind of Best Friend, after all, so it only makes sense that most of the components appearing in your friendships will be found in your soulmate as well. Will you appreciate some of the same things? Speak the same language? Have the same values? Laugh at the same jokes? Share fears and dreams? Expose your worst/best? You still want all that! Because you need an Ally. An ally reliably comes to your defense, as you fearlessly come to theirs. An ally is someone you can rely on. It means you must be honest with that person, and we all know how hard that is, especially when you can’t figure out the truth, yourself. You’re feeling your way and you need a sympathetic ear. You know you will have to be their sympathetic ear as well because otherwise what you have isn’t a partnership, it’s an autocracy. Autocrats are lied to and cheated on and they die alone. That’s not what gratifies the soul. You are looking for someone who holds the key to You and by astonishing coincidence, you will hold the key to them, as well. The Duel Europe without you Was a funeral feast. I recall the procession of your letters Far better than The stream of luckless suitors Trying to distract me. Virgins aren’t distractible. Your seductive missives stalked me. Your fatal ploy was that nude picture Adam lonely in his garden. I came right home. I well recall the ceremonies Of that night! Your shyness My perfume Our ignorance Your penis Soft as a Messenger dove that folds To a familiar hand – Then wild and hard as A riderless horse. I did cry out as the candles burned. I swear there were some moments when We actually saw each other. But if this magic sword cuts both ways Why was I the only bleeder? They peeled me off Dropping me down miles Of antiseptic hallway - A princess in a bucket. It could have ended there But at your school I haunted you A chilly-breasted demon. My daytime incarnation seemed mature: I fooled you; We chatted as you prepared the skin. I bit down hard and Tasted only Suture wire. You wrote and broke off Our association. The years groaned by Like convicts chained We served our terms with no time off For bad behavior. Lust had luster, Excrement had ecstasy. The castaways the whirlwind Flung upon the sand Were calm, polite - We knew our way around. That look you gave me! Our unborn children shivered In their sausage skins Suddenly aware Their time had come. The tale was done The frog-mask Shivered off We saw: The you of you The me of me – Masks Unmirrored - Scars Unscored Virgins not but Innocence Restored. Autumn=DOUBT: “FOMO FEVER”
As soon as we begin refining down our list in search of The One, we are filled with doubt. Fear of Missing Out dictates that even as we are talking to a Possible Soulmate our eyes search out the door to see what new person is coming in. There is a glorious book, essential to artists, called The War of Art(Steven Pressfield) which is actually about self-sabotage. In the very moments when we are trying to build something critically important to our emotional, psychic and spiritual health, a demonic voice comes out of Who Knows Where, whispering, “It’s the wrong thing and you’re doing it wrong.” According to Steven Pressfield, if you listen to this voice you will never accomplish anything, because Honest, Committed Effort is required to get your project off the ground, even if it ultimately fails. And if it ultimately fails, it will turn out to be the very project that helps you see what is Really Important, and understand What to Do Next. Choose wisely; searching for a relationship that is restorative, not exploitative, a partner who is complementary and complimentary, and push doubt aside. Cloverleaf Some roads lead nowhere; They’re my favorites. I held my breath while You drew my face in Blinding strokes and Creamed my mouth with curling lines Destroyed one picture; then another. Left at dawn while I Ran downstairs in circles, calling Raging, spending Nights without you, No blue thigh to guard My sleeping heart while yours looks out To gauge the coming storm. Now I’m trapped in cloverleaves Sentenced to school figures By endless angry judges. Every face I paint is yours; balked by The enervating past Of unlived lives. Open up the chilly ruffles Of my breasts To beauty; yours and mine and your Strange spine’s; A body so much lighter Than the mountain that you loved The course you learned Much better than you learned me. Overconfident that you’ll come back I float across the powdered snow; In bird-winged silence all-enveloping Unless I’m Lost and frozen like my heart? Creativity=THE ARTIST: “Harness your Uniqueness” When searching for your soulmate this is no time to “blend with the crowd.” You need to discover exactly who you are so you can seek your complementary and missing elements. If you are uncertain or mistaken about your essential self, you won’t even recognize The One. You will be guaranteed to choose a partner based on false considerations of status or appearance. This requires you stop hiding your true self and allow it to emerge. Easier said than done! Turns out we all have been babying the shyly unique aspects of ourselves that don’t win instant recognition from the crowd. Well, we are going to have to experiment with taking Baby out for daily strolls and develop a bit of muscle. Don’t worry if the “likes” fall away – you are not trying to appeal to everyone. The creativity card means you will need to become imaginative in how you present yourself. You want someone accepting? Be accepting. You want someone brave? Be brave. You want someone who looks deeper? Look deeper. Fire In the Dust In photographs The ladies scream or laugh It’s hard to tell Heads back they bare their Grief or joy or Agonized relief It’s hard to tell. All that remains of them These tattered icons growing ever dim. The fountains of our fear Leap high at first, like dancers Frozen at first burst Of freedom Paralyzed abreast The arc We cannot see What tortured sign these fossils Meant to be. In that first winter When we thought the earth would die Trees erupted dragonflies The statues mated Sang and cried. Somewhere a fetus twists and jerks Convergence of dynastic quirks. I’ll drop the toxic cloak of bitter spite that Melts my flesh and terrorizes night Waiting out a cycle’s sum Spinning down to kingdom come. For nothing vain, from nothing plain This world was born To live again. Summer=RELAX: “You Got This” You’ve realize the immensity of your need and the enormity of the challenge. You’ve looked into your capacities and they just don’t seem to match your expectations. Now you’re feeling hopeless. The Summer card reminds us to “relax.” Untense those muscles because fear and hysteria, rage and feelings of worthlessness are working against us. The best thing is to realize your Soulmate is feeling all these things also. This is a process you need to go through, recognizing the vastness of the challenge ahead. This guarantees that when your and your Beloved melt together your success will be all the sweeter. Of necessity to valuing the Other is the realization that, although there may be plenty of fish in the sea, you need a very particular fish. HAUNTED WEDDING The pregnant car disgorges Only us. It’s winter. Drunk as silver fish We beat our gills as light As hummingbirds. In an amethyst ring Of drypoint trees The half-built house Gapes and swells Its timbers stink of sap. Windrill fields occlude Our crossing, so you carry me High above the thorny osiers. We sleep aloft for safety Locked and levitating In this space of air One season only, Unseen by angry outriders; Bloodless in our wedding robes Like the doubled membranes Of the frozen flowers. |
Alysse AallynAlysse Aallyn is a poet who sees tarot as a key to accessing the unconscious. She is the author of four well-received thrillers, Find Courtney, Depraved Heart, Woman Into Wolf and I’ll Sleep When You’re Dead, one historical novel (Devlyn) and a book of short stories (Awake Till the End.) She has three published books of poetry – The Sacred Quiver, TheHot Skin and The Five Wounds and edited another (The Feathered Violin.) She trained in theatre at Circle in the Square Theatre School and Martha Graham School of Dance. She appeared in the part of Isabella in Jean Giraudoux’s The Enchanted at the New Yorker Theatre. She has held writing fellowships at Brooklyn College and LaSalle University. Her novel Depraved Heart won a 2011 CT Press Club fiction award and her play Queen of Swords was a semi-finalist in the 2014 National Arts Council First Play award. She has been invited to read her original work at The Folger Shakespeare Library in Washington, DC and has taught creative writing at Catonsville Community College. Woman Into Wolf was a semi-finalist for The National Playwrights Conference (2016) and her play Our Father’s Restaurant was performed on Pacifica Radio. She has also appeared as a crime commentator on ID - TV’s Blood Relatives.Her play, Let’s Speak Vietnamese was published in Dramatika Magazine. She directed The Maids for Theatre Upstairs in Columbia, Maryland. Other plays she’s written are The Honey & the Pang about Emily Dickinson’s posthumous career, Cuck’d– a modern Othello, and Caving, in which the theatre is transformed into a cave for a spelunking dare. Rough Sleep, (based on her novel I’ll Sleep When You’re Dead) was produced by Manhattan Repertory Theatre (W. 45thSt) in 2019. Her latest play, The Dalingridge Horror, (short version Leonard & Virginia) explores the partnership between Leonard & Virginia Woolf in their own words and was a finalist for the Tennessee Williams 2021 award. Her newest poetry collection, Haunted Wedding will be appearing in 2022 from Thriller Library. Archives
September 2022
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