Aspiration=THE FUTURE “What’s left on my bucket list?” When you’re following a disciplined path, you are cultivating the perfect combination of both Present & Future living. We are honoring the beauty of our coming Soulmate by taking care of ourselves now. The worst thing that could happen would be if our Soulmate can’t recognize us as we dim our light in a bloat of self-indulgence. So even though we are lonely, we feel at peace, because the future brings us glorious togetherness. Our Aspiration card says so! Epithalamium The heat that rises From our marriage bed Powers up the house Summons up a cradle, Varicolored jars of Seasoned fruit, Museums of ripeness Captured at the peak - just As we are - Citified - Reveling in Ownership Mortgaging The future.
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Persistence=COMMITMENT “refuse to give up” When passion flags, when courage fails, when even grit founders, there is only determination. We will keep going. Our Other Half, our Lost Self is calling us and there is no going back. If we gave up now we would be at a place of cosmic distrust. It can’t happen. We may groan. We may collapse. We may sleep, the better to summon dreams to our assistance. Sometimes we have to ask the uncomfortable questions: what am I missing? WHO am I missing? We summon up a distinctive song we want our Soulmate to hear, perhaps as song that ONLY our soulmate can hear. And we buckle up and keep on going. #Haiku: Persistence Spider swings back and up and up and back; watch, feast; learn; resolve Repeat. Passion=COURAGE “Bravest you’ve ever been?” Passion gives us courage. Courage is hard-won. Whenever it seems to come “naturally”, that’s because we didn’t assess the possible consequences of our actions. That’s not courage, that’s foolhardiness. When we understand the dangers and act anyway, that’s true courage. We are contemplating sharing our deepest self with another, what do we risk? We risk exposure, humiliation, misinterpretation, minimization, stigmatization. Those are serious risks, but the only way forward is through. Don’t pretend we don’t care or it doesn’t matter; hardening ourselves only devalues the very prize we seek as well as our ability to enjoy it and be transformed by it. To seek depth we must give depth. The secret is self-compassion, to accept our own humanity. Once we can do that we are given the key of seeing deeply into others. We are not interested in those pretending they are less than human – they can neither help us nor themselves. We resolve to keep going in our search for The One. Diaries I don’t remember anything - I’m an amnesiac so I write everything down Stuffed it in my closet Among discarded ballgowns (smelling much the same) utterly useless but too beautiful to throw away. I recollect & treasure The act of writing An up and over downtime scrawl As I recall the surgeon Cutting at my flesh tugging splitting sweating peeling wastage out. I recall fierce Liftoff - finally Airborne I see With hawk’s-eye vision Backwards & forwards Past & future. Too much dig is spoilage Freedom mined is Valuable. Nurturing=GROWTH “Are you ready to take care of the beloved? Or do you just want to receive care?” Are we patient, loving mothers to our struggling selves? Or are we looking for someone else to assume this role? The Nurturing card reminds us that to find a worthy, healthy other, we must be healthy and worthy ourselves. The symbiosis card told us that reciprocity is key, that this is not going to be a one-way street. What are our nurturing capabilities? Do we have a pet? Have we mentored? Do we teach? We will represent a mystical wilderness to the Other as we represent a mysterious universe to them. There is so much we can share. There is so much we need to be given to have our Wisdom Eye fully opened. Cedarwood Chest Grandpa died young that’s why Grandma never opened The Cedarwood chest Till my twelve years unlocked The scent of dreams preserved Like mullet in red wine. Never used the wilting nightgowns Featherstitched sheets Between whose coffee-colored creases Bay leaves crumbled (like my reserve when you laid hands upon it) how it comes back that mossy sad perfume! I want to lay you away in darkness and tissue but I can’t I must use you and risk Your wearing out Meditation=MINDFULNESS “Understanding and accepting the moment” Yearning for our Other Half feels like a requiem for our Lost Self. We are living in the past (memory) and the future (hope) while specifically avoiding the present. Yet deep looking in to our now rescues us from suffering. If we look deeply enough, we will see past the pain of perceived unworthiness to the universal magic that is love. We must perform the “thought experiment” of transforming our minds in order to recognize the Beloved. This is the transformation that truly matters. What is meditation? Quieting and emptying. We quiet the rattle of hysteria that infects us, we empty ourselves of “what ifs” and “shoulds” and fears and preconceptions, and we simply wait to watch the inevitable thought-balloons drift through the cathedral that is our mind. To achieve this end we work on the breath, seizing control of life itself, just as if we were wizards. Another thing that works is to find a “mantra.” Some use a prayer - I suggest St. Julian of Norwich’s “All will be well, and all will be well, and all manner of thing will be well.” or “the light in me honors the light in the world” or “I am peace” works as well. Feel free to invent your own mantra if it gives you permission to take loving charge of your thoughts and your body. Be a tender mother to your new self. You are practicing how to welcome the Beloved when you support your shy new self. Match your breath to your mantra, slow your breathing, consciously try to empty your mind by picturing water rushing out along the sand. Relax your muscles. Wait. Begin again. Continue until flooded by peace. #Haiku: Meditation Experience Intimidates Silence sees Compassion Understands Chrysalis=Potential “Gathering strength” We are powerhouses seeking ignition. We can feel he slowly gathering strength within, but we are still mysteries to ourselves. We need the Other to become a Full Being. Plato posited that man/woman are separated angels endlessly seeking their other half. Your duty is to protect the chrysalis so that it can unfold in its own good time. Be patient, your day of flight is ever closer. #Haiku: Sleep Dance Joyful Rest unleashes Freedom Brain rehearses - Moves perfecting: Wake! The waterfall=CHANGE “Brace Yourself” The Waterfall card represents sudden, possibly violent change. Surprise reversals. In our quest for soulmate, we have to hold ourselves ready for these astonishments, because they are the essence of what the universe has to teach us. Right when we think we have it all figured out is when we are most in need of a surprise. Often this comes in the form of chemistry: who we are attracted to versus who we THINK we are attracted to. At the beginning of our lives, our minds were formed by The Pod. Our wild, unique self lies still undiscovered. We often THINK we desire a High Status Individual, someone the Pod would approve of (even envy.) Friendship often teaches us the delight of the quirky. Someone who loves us, whose face lights up when we share, becomes beautiful to us. Someone who reveals themselves, takes chances with us, becomes magical. There is a reason that rom-coms focus on the “surprise” in love; learning that the person who is good for you is not the source of dangerous thrills you’ve been desiring, that’s because this Is often the way long-term love gets going. So – better be ready for your own Surprise. Angel Clothes You are like a ripe peach Swollen in the summer of your life And as the peach surrounds its stone Your skeleton enwombs your soul But thinly. I often see it shining Through the hollows in your cheeks. I need your body Need to know its shadows Sound its pleasures But as the stone Though small at first Must grow; feed off the dying peach So your spirit must transhume your flesh Disgorge it in A thousand peaches a thousand summers a Thousand eternities more beautiful than You or i The bridge=DISCIPLINE “How to keep moving forward?” Discipline is doing something we’re committed to do when we don’t want to. We’re forming new skin. It’s sore and tender at first. We’ve charted a new path to finding our soulmate, but we lose confidence fast. Rebellion starts early; right when we open one eye. Do I really have to get up? No one cares but me. I could make a new rule, a new plan…But we know the truth – this is just our devil messing with us. Trying to see how much it can get away with. The saving grace here is to fall in love with discipline. Discipline is order. It’s building, like music. It’s the Beautiful Thing That Comes Next. If it’s all chaos then everything’s purposeless and nothing matters. Of course we can change our plan – any time. Our real self can make informed decisions to Do Anything. But is it our Real Self, this niggling, seductive saboteur? No. We are on a journey to our real self, the self embodied in the Other (which is tantra) and the self we create together (Tantric Attachment.) We’re committed. And we’re excited! We’ll never get there if we sit by the side of the road in a bundle of sobbing bones and blubber. Here’s the kicker – it feels better the more you do it. You will come to the understanding that it’s all inside you. And you love it! The Poet on Her Walk Femininity has its Everests - I surmount them daily. The crow’s belly’s is black, I Envy his womb-less contentment as I stroll Among the old wrappers, used condoms; Joints rolled tight as bedsheets Letters used - abused - discarded. Crow envies me my Zircon hair; a lunar map of freedom, Battering-ram jaw, baroque nose, the Greek depths through which My eyes record their wanderings. Outside convent walls, between The stalls, corrals, the chained-up lambs, The leaf-filled pools find First act, second act, Epilogue. Tell day from night by counting Depth marks round your taproot; You show sporadic questings not my own, Belonging to a future all Unknowing what anyone makes Of these Portentous Pleiades: Disparate sisters, Me, myself and I. Youth=RESILIENCE: Snap back We have been discussing the fact that if you want a soulmate, you will have to kill dragons – both yours and theirs. This is traumatic, to say the least. All of us have experienced trauma, many of us have forgotten it, most of us deny it. How we represent the scars of life to ourselves has everything to do with how we represent ourselves to others. Today’s card is about “snapping back,” not just “recovery” but Plan B. We may need a Plan C, D, and E. The fact that the dragon got the best of us on one or two occasions is no surprise. Remember learning to drive? It is about learning how to learn, learning what to fear and not to fear, learning how to react to constantly new sets of circumstances. We are resilient, we are flexible. We are cagey, we are wily. By the time we meet our soulmate we will have our own dragons under control, and we will have many stories to share about The Ways of Dragons. Dragonslayers In this the Purgatory of the year When Winter cracks the crystal clear The fire maple stands unleaved And stalks the bony breast of earth bereaved; The sap within each corpse unseen Boils up a ready dynamo of green; A fetal fish child stirs and yawns Our equinoctial birthday dawns. Rebirth’s an art long coveted by sages But well within the powers of these aged. Expert in demonology and sin; Morphology of dragons without & in: All monsters slain, mates well-beloved Each house is homed, each grandchild hugged. Sisters Four ablaze upon our wisdom thrones Majestic goddesses salute our crone; Evoke the zero hour when Our future dances with its end Born wise, as well as beautiful we raise The chalice of our love In Grateful Praise! Symbiosis=INTERDEPENDENCE “I need you because you need me” You can have rapturous sex with anybody. You can have devoted friendships with lots of entertaining, interesting people. Soulmating is deeper than that. You need each other. You can’t live without each other. Yes, you can bail out now if this sounds scary. Otherwise, this is what you’re in for. You’re going to have to reveal – often discovering it for the first time yourself – what your needs are, and you’re going to have to be willing to put your shoulder to the other person’s wheel. You nourish each other. You’re going to slay each other’s dragons and set each other free FOREVER. This is NOT for the faint of heart. Better leave now if you were just hoping for a nice date, delicious sex, or someone to take home to Mom. Because the dragons will show themselves. A Bruise A Cut A Fever From my tree perch I watched them Bored by their game, Uncaring of their rule Writing down mind patterns In gold crested diaries Where fairy-tale beginnings Augur sour endings. I was Pole-axed by Europe. I didn’t believe that “This stuff matters frightfully” And I was affrighted. Culture-mad-Mother Forced us to look Then forced us to blink; Her timing was off. Dad sought the ocean In history, in pictures, in The madness of Nature; A Dutch sloop encapsulates Unsinkable Fiberglas; That captain lied when he said We were all going home. I disliked you on sight Loathing masculine privilege; Teasing your editorials Insulting your proctoring. Reviled, you prevailed. Kindling clove-scented ecstasy; Inflaming my fevers the same time as Quenching them. Then sweeping West you Pulled the Atlantic behind you, smothering Both of us; I fought back with Matched & monogrammed luggage. Swimming nude in the rapture created by Divested wingtips, you Posed for a Swedish love manual Under the falls. I thought I knew everything till I met your father; Your mother convinced me That dragons exist. I dust your bed with glitter as you peel off my shock-pants; Our children wait impatiently To get their lives started. Your dragons multiply But I’ve killed them three times now While you tend my sunlight And brighten my blade. |
Alysse AallynAlysse Aallyn is a poet who sees tarot as a key to accessing the unconscious. She is the author of four well-received thrillers, Find Courtney, Depraved Heart, Woman Into Wolf and I’ll Sleep When You’re Dead, one historical novel (Devlyn) and a book of short stories (Awake Till the End.) She has three published books of poetry – The Sacred Quiver, TheHot Skin and The Five Wounds and edited another (The Feathered Violin.) She trained in theatre at Circle in the Square Theatre School and Martha Graham School of Dance. She appeared in the part of Isabella in Jean Giraudoux’s The Enchanted at the New Yorker Theatre. She has held writing fellowships at Brooklyn College and LaSalle University. Her novel Depraved Heart won a 2011 CT Press Club fiction award and her play Queen of Swords was a semi-finalist in the 2014 National Arts Council First Play award. She has been invited to read her original work at The Folger Shakespeare Library in Washington, DC and has taught creative writing at Catonsville Community College. Woman Into Wolf was a semi-finalist for The National Playwrights Conference (2016) and her play Our Father’s Restaurant was performed on Pacifica Radio. She has also appeared as a crime commentator on ID - TV’s Blood Relatives.Her play, Let’s Speak Vietnamese was published in Dramatika Magazine. She directed The Maids for Theatre Upstairs in Columbia, Maryland. Other plays she’s written are The Honey & the Pang about Emily Dickinson’s posthumous career, Cuck’d– a modern Othello, and Caving, in which the theatre is transformed into a cave for a spelunking dare. Rough Sleep, (based on her novel I’ll Sleep When You’re Dead) was produced by Manhattan Repertory Theatre (W. 45thSt) in 2019. Her latest play, The Dalingridge Horror, (short version Leonard & Virginia) explores the partnership between Leonard & Virginia Woolf in their own words and was a finalist for the Tennessee Williams 2021 award. Her newest poetry collection, Haunted Wedding will be appearing in 2022 from Thriller Library. Archives
September 2022
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